The Phrases from A Dad Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up between men, who still internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - spending a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."